Narcissism A–Z: Terms, Words and Behaviours Explained

Abuse

Abuse is behaviour that causes harm, fear, intimidation, humiliation, coercion or control. In relationships involving strong narcissistic traits, abuse may be emotional, psychological, verbal, financial, physical or sexual. Not every difficult relationship is abusive, and narcissism itself does not automatically mean abuse is present.

Accusation

An accusation is a claim that somebody has done something wrong. In dysfunctional relationships, accusations may be used to place the other person permanently on the defensive, especially when accusations are repeated without evidence or are designed to provoke an emotional reaction.

ACoNs

ACoNs stands for Adult Children of Narcissists. The term is commonly used to describe adults who grew up with a parent displaying strong narcissistic traits or behaviours, such as control, emotional manipulation, lack of empathy, criticism, favouritism or making the child responsible for the parent’s emotional needs. These experiences can influence boundaries, self-esteem, relationships and how someone responds to conflict later in life.

Admiration

Admiration can become particularly important to someone with strong narcissistic traits because praise, attention and approval may reinforce their self-image. They may actively seek compliments, recognition, status or reassurance and become uncomfortable when attention is directed elsewhere.

Antagonism

Antagonism refers to hostile, oppositional or combative behaviour. In narcissistic dynamics, this can include deliberately provoking arguments, criticising others, creating rivalry or challenging someone simply to maintain dominance or emotional control.

Apology Without Change

An apology without change occurs when someone repeatedly says sorry but continues the same behaviour. The apology may temporarily restore the relationship without addressing the underlying problem, leading to repeated cycles of hurt, reconciliation and further conflict.

Attention Seeking

Attention seeking involves behaviour designed to keep a person at the centre of other people’s focus. This may involve dramatic stories, exaggerated crises, social-media behaviour, conflict, achievements, victimhood or even negative attention if positive attention is unavailable.

Baiting

Baiting means deliberately saying or doing something intended to provoke an emotional reaction. The reaction may then be used against the other person as supposed evidence that they are unreasonable, unstable, aggressive or difficult.

Belittling

Belittling involves making someone feel small, foolish, insignificant or inadequate. It may take the form of insults, sarcasm, dismissive comments, criticism disguised as humour or repeatedly undermining somebody’s confidence.

Blame Shifting

Blame shifting occurs when responsibility for behaviour is redirected onto somebody else. Instead of acknowledging what they did, the person may focus on the other person’s reaction, mistakes or supposed shortcomings.

Boundary Testing

Boundary testing happens when somebody repeatedly pushes against limits to discover how much behaviour another person will tolerate. Small violations may gradually become larger ones when the earlier behaviour produces no meaningful consequence.

Breadcrumbing

Breadcrumbing involves giving somebody occasional attention, affection or hope without offering genuine consistency or commitment. The small amounts of reinforcement can be enough to keep someone emotionally invested.

Bunny Boiler Memento Box

A “bunny boiler memento box” is an informal term for a collection of photographs, letters, gifts and other keepsakes from former partners that someone continues to hold onto, sometimes raising questions about unresolved attachment, nostalgia or the emotional significance they still place on past relationships.

Character Assassination

Character assassination is an organised or repeated attempt to damage someone’s reputation. Within a smear campaign, selective stories, exaggerations, accusations or private information may be used to influence how friends, relatives or colleagues view another person.

Charm

Charm can be genuine, but it can also be strategically used to create trust quickly. Some people displaying narcissistic behaviour may appear exceptionally charismatic, attentive or impressive during the early stages of a relationship.

Circular Arguments

Circular arguments are discussions that never reach resolution because the same points continually return. Questions remain unanswered, responsibility shifts and the conversation can continue for hours until the other person becomes exhausted or gives up.

Closure

Closure refers to reaching some emotional understanding or acceptance after a relationship ends. In difficult narcissistic dynamics, people may spend months waiting for an apology or explanation that never comes, making self-created closure more important than receiving it from the other person.

Cluster B Personality Disorder

A Cluster B personality disorder belongs to a group of conditions associated with dramatic, emotional or unpredictable behaviour. It includes Narcissistic, Borderline, Histrionic and Antisocial Personality Disorders. Someone can show Cluster B traits without having a diagnosed disorder.

Coercive Control

Coercive control involves patterns of behaviour intended to dominate, isolate, intimidate or restrict another person’s independence. It is a serious form of abuse and can involve finances, communication, movements, friendships, clothing, work or everyday decisions.

Cognitive Dissonance

Cognitive dissonance is the discomfort created when two conflicting beliefs exist at the same time. Someone may struggle to reconcile the loving, charming person they first met with the person who later behaves cruelly or manipulatively.

Competition

The term competition in some people with strong narcissistic traits experience relationships competitively. Rather than celebrating another person’s achievements, they may feel threatened by them and attempt to outperform, diminish or redirect attention back towards themselves.

Conditional Affection

Conditional affection occurs when warmth, attention or approval is offered only when another person behaves in the desired way. Affection can become a reward rather than something freely given within a healthy relationship.

Confirmation Bias

Confirmation bias in narcissism is when someone focuses on, remembers and interprets information that supports the narrative they already believe, while dismissing, minimising or ignoring evidence that challenges their version of events.

Control

Control is a central theme in many unhealthy relationships. It may involve direct demands or much subtler behaviours such as guilt, withdrawal, interrogation, jealousy, emotional pressure, financial restrictions or manipulation.

CPTSD

CPTSD stands for Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. It can develop after prolonged or repeated trauma, especially where someone feels trapped or unable to escape, such as in abusive relationships or difficult childhood environments. Symptoms can include emotional dysregulation, low self-worth, hypervigilance, relationship difficulties, intrusive memories and a persistent sense of threat.

Criticism

Criticism can be normal and constructive, but persistent destructive criticism can slowly undermine confidence. A narcissistic dynamic may involve constantly identifying faults while rarely acknowledging positive qualities.

DARVO

DARVO stands for Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender. It describes a defensive pattern in which someone denies wrongdoing, attacks the person raising the issue and then portrays themselves as the true victim.

Denial

Denial is the refusal to accept or acknowledge facts, behaviour or responsibility. In narcissistic dynamics, someone may deny things they clearly said or did, minimise their actions or insist that events happened differently, making honest communication and accountability difficult.

Devaluation

Devaluation is the stage in which someone who was previously praised or idealised begins to be criticised, diminished or treated with contempt. It is commonly discussed as part of an idealisation-devaluation cycle.

Discard

Discard is an informal term used to describe the abrupt ending or rejection of a relationship by someone displaying narcissistic behaviour. The person may appear suddenly detached, particularly if they have found another source of attention or validation.

Denial

Denial involves refusing to acknowledge facts, responsibility or behaviour. Persistent denial can make productive conversation almost impossible when one person will not accept events that clearly occurred.

Divide and Conquer

Divide and Conquer is a manipulation tactic where someone creates tension, mistrust or conflict between people to weaken their relationships and maintain control. In narcissistic dynamics, this can involve spreading gossip, giving different versions of events, encouraging jealousy or turning family members, friends or colleagues against one another.

Double Standards

Double standards occur when somebody expects another person to follow rules they do not apply to themselves. They may demand honesty while lying, loyalty while being unfaithful or respect while behaving disrespectfully.

Emotional Abuse

Emotional abuse involves repeated behaviours that damage another person’s emotional wellbeing, confidence or sense of safety. Examples can include humiliation, intimidation, threats, constant criticism and manipulative withdrawal of affection.

Emotional Blackmail

Emotional blackmail uses fear, obligation or guilt to influence another person’s choices. Statements such as “If you really loved me, you would…” can turn affection into a method of control.

Emotional Dysregulation

Emotional dysregulation refers to difficulty managing emotional reactions. Someone may experience intense anger, frustration, shame or distress in response to perceived rejection, criticism or loss of control.

Emotional Vampire

An “emotional vampire” is an informal term for someone whose repeated demands for attention, reassurance, conflict or validation leave those around them feeling emotionally drained, exhausted and depleted.

Empathy

Empathy is the ability to understand or appreciate another person’s feelings and perspective. Difficulties with empathy are associated with narcissistic personality traits, although empathy exists on a spectrum and can vary between individuals and circumstances.

Enabler

An enabler is someone whose behaviour makes another person’s unhealthy behaviour easier to continue. They may excuse actions, minimise harm, cover up consequences or pressure others to tolerate conduct that should be challenged.

Entitlement

Entitlement is the belief that one deserves special treatment, privileges or exceptions. A person with strong narcissistic traits may expect others to accommodate them while showing little willingness to reciprocate.

Envy

Envy involves resentment towards another person’s success, possessions, relationships or attention. Narcissistic traits can sometimes include envy or the belief that other people are envious of them.

Exposed

“Exposed” describes the point when previously hidden narcissistic behaviours, contradictions or patterns become visible to others, challenging the carefully constructed image the person may have presented.

False Accusations

False accusations are allegations knowingly made about events that did not occur. In highly dysfunctional relationships they can potentially form part of a smear campaign, although it is important to distinguish an accusation proved to be deliberately false from an allegation that simply cannot be substantiated.

Fauxpology

A fauxpology is a false or insincere apology that appears to express regret without accepting genuine responsibility. In narcissistic dynamics, it may sound like “I’m sorry you feel that way” or “I’m sorry, but you made me do it,” shifting blame back onto the other person instead of acknowledging the behaviour and making meaningful change.

Financial Coercion

Financial coercion is the use of money, access to funds, debt, spending, employment or financial dependence to pressure, control, punish or restrict another person’s choices and independence.

Flying Monkeys

Flying monkeys are people who become involved in somebody else’s conflict, manipulation or smear campaign. They may carry messages, gather information, defend one side or spread allegations. Some knowingly participate while others may genuinely believe they are helping.

Future Faking

Future faking refers to making impressive promises about the future to secure cooperation, affection or commitment in the present without genuine intention to follow through. Marriage, holidays, homes or major life plans may repeatedly be promised but never materialise.

Gaslighting

Gaslighting is a pattern of manipulation that causes someone to question their perception, memory or understanding of events. It can include denying conversations, rewriting events or insisting that something obvious never happened.

Ghosting

Ghosting means suddenly cutting off communication without explanation. Although not specifically narcissistic, it can occur in unhealthy relationship dynamics where withdrawal is used to avoid accountability or create uncertainty.

Golden Child

The Golden Child is the family member who is idealised, praised or favoured above others, often in a dysfunctional or narcissistic family system. They may be treated as more talented, successful or deserving, while another child is criticised or scapegoated. The role can create pressure to maintain the parent’s approval and can also fuel rivalry, resentment and division within the family.

Grandiosity

Grandiosity involves an exaggerated sense of importance, ability, status or uniqueness. It is one of the characteristics associated with narcissistic personality disorder, although occasional boastfulness does not by itself indicate a disorder.

Grey Rock

Grey rock (or gray rock) is an informal communication strategy in which someone becomes deliberately uninteresting and emotionally neutral when dealing with a provocative person. The aim is to reduce opportunities for conflict, although it is not appropriate or safe in every situation.

Guilt Tripping

Guilt tripping means encouraging another person to feel guilty so that they will behave in a particular way. It may involve reminders of sacrifices, exaggerated suffering or suggestions that establishing normal boundaries is selfish.

Hoovering

Hoovering is an informal term describing attempts to pull somebody back into a relationship after distance or separation. It may involve apologies, declarations of love, nostalgic messages, emergencies, promises of change or sudden kindness.

Hypervigilance

Hypervigilance is a state of constantly watching for danger or conflict. Someone who has spent a long time in an unpredictable relationship may find themselves monitoring tone, facial expressions and behaviour in anticipation of the next argument.

Idealisation

Idealisation occurs when another person is placed on a pedestal and treated as exceptional or perfect. In some unhealthy relationships, intense idealisation may later shift into criticism and devaluation.

Intermittent Reinforcement

Intermittent reinforcement occurs when positive treatment is unpredictable. Kindness, affection or approval may appear after periods of conflict, making the relationship psychologically difficult to leave because the person continually hopes the good period will return.

Invalidation

Invalidation occurs when someone’s feelings, experiences or concerns are dismissed or treated as meaningless. Repeated invalidation can make someone doubt whether their emotional reactions are reasonable.

Jealousy

Jealousy can be normal in moderation, but excessive jealousy can become controlling. It may lead to interrogation, monitoring, accusations, restrictions or attempts to isolate somebody from friends and colleagues.

Lack of Accountability

Lack of accountability describes persistent difficulty accepting responsibility for one’s own actions. Excuses, blame shifting, denial and counter-accusations may appear whenever behaviour is challenged.

Lack of Empathy

A lack of empathy means difficulty recognising or caring about the emotional impact one’s behaviour has on others. Reduced empathy is associated with narcissistic personality pathology but should not be diagnosed from individual incidents.

Lost Child

The Lost Child is the family member who becomes quiet, withdrawn or emotionally invisible within a dysfunctional or narcissistic family system. They may avoid conflict, keep their needs to themselves and retreat into their own world as a way of coping with tension, criticism or instability. Because they cause little disruption, their emotional needs can easily be overlooked.

Love Bombing

Love bombing refers to an unusually intense period of affection, attention, compliments, gifts or declarations early in a relationship. While enthusiastic romance is not automatically manipulative, concern arises when intense affection is later used to create dependency or control.

Malignant Narcissist

A malignant narcissist is a person who displays severe narcissistic traits combined with hostility, manipulation, aggression, lack of empathy and a willingness to exploit or harm others to maintain power and control.

Manipulation

Manipulation is influencing another person’s behaviour through deceptive, indirect or emotionally coercive methods. It can involve guilt, fear, misinformation, affection, threats, silence or deliberately creating confusion.

Mascot

The Mascot is the family member who uses humour, jokes or entertaining behaviour to reduce tension within a dysfunctional or narcissistic family system. They may become the “funny one” who distracts from conflict and keeps others smiling, while their own emotional needs and distress remain hidden or overlooked.

Mirroring

Mirroring refers to reflecting another person’s interests, beliefs, personality or preferences back to them. It is a normal social behaviour, but in manipulative relationships it may be used to create unusually rapid feelings of compatibility and connection.

Monkey Branching

Narcissism

Narcissism exists on a spectrum. Most people display some narcissistic characteristics occasionally, such as wanting recognition or protecting their ego. The term should not automatically be treated as synonymous with abuse or narcissistic personality disorder.

Narcissistic Abuse

Narcissistic abuse is a popular non-clinical term used to describe abusive behaviour attributed to someone with narcissistic traits. It is often more accurate to identify the specific behaviours involved, such as coercion, intimidation, humiliation, manipulation or emotional abuse.

Narcissist-Resistance

Narcissist-Resistance is the ability to recognise narcissistic patterns, trust your instincts, maintain boundaries and protect yourself from repeating unhealthy dynamics.

Narcissist-Resistant Survivor

A Narcissist-Resistant Survivor is someone who has learned to recognise narcissistic behaviours and manipulation, establish firm boundaries, and resist being drawn back into unhealthy cycles of control.

Narcissistic Collapse

Narcissistic collapse is an informal term describing an intense emotional reaction when someone’s self-image, status or sense of control is severely threatened. Reactions may include withdrawal, anger, humiliation, blame or desperation.

Narcissistic Injury

Narcissistic injury describes the emotional wound produced by criticism, rejection, embarrassment or challenges to an inflated self-image. The resulting reaction can sometimes appear disproportionate to the original event.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Narcissistic Personality Disorder, or NPD, is a recognised mental-health condition that can only be appropriately diagnosed by a qualified professional. It involves persistent patterns relating to grandiosity, need for admiration and difficulties with empathy, among other features.

NPD

NPD stands for Narcissistic Personality Disorder, a recognised mental-health condition involving persistent patterns of grandiosity, need for admiration, entitlement and difficulties with empathy. Someone can display narcissistic traits without having NPD, and only a suitably qualified mental-health professional can make a formal diagnosis.

Narcissistic Rage

Narcissistic rage is an informal description of intense anger following perceived criticism, humiliation, rejection or loss of control. It may involve shouting, insults, threats, hostility or abrupt withdrawal.

Narcissistic Supply

Narcissistic supply is an informal term used to describe attention, admiration, validation or emotional reactions that reinforce a person’s self-esteem or sense of importance. Even negative attention can sometimes fulfil this function.

Neglect

Neglect is the failure to provide appropriate emotional, physical or practical care. In narcissistic family or relationship dynamics, neglect may involve ignoring someone’s needs, withholding affection, failing to offer support or consistently placing the narcissistic person’s wants above everyone else’s wellbeing.

No Contact

No contact means ending direct communication with another person. Some people use it after toxic or abusive relationships to create emotional and practical distance, although circumstances involving children, work or legal responsibilities may make complete no contact impossible.

Object Constancy

Object Constancy is the ability to maintain a stable emotional connection to someone even when you are angry, disappointed or temporarily separated from them. In narcissistic dynamics, difficulties with object constancy may contribute to sudden shifts between idealising someone and seeing them as entirely bad when conflict or rejection occurs.

Parentification

Parentification occurs when a child is placed in a role where they take on emotional or practical responsibilities that should belong to the parent. In narcissistic family dynamics, the child may become a confidant, caretaker, mediator or emotional support system, often at the expense of their own needs and childhood.

Projection

Projection involves attributing one’s own feelings, motives or behaviour to somebody else. For example, someone who is dishonest may repeatedly accuse their partner of lying.

Provocation

Provocation involves deliberately encouraging a reaction. In dysfunctional relationships, someone may repeatedly insult, accuse or irritate another person and then focus exclusively on the resulting emotional response.

Reactive Abuse

Reactive abuse is a widely used but potentially misleading term describing an intense reaction after prolonged provocation, manipulation or abuse. The reaction may then be presented without context as evidence that the reacting person is the problem. The term does not excuse harmful behaviour, but it can help explain how repeated provocation affects responses.

Reputation Management

Reputation management in a narcissistic context refers to attempts to control how other people perceive someone. Considerable effort may be spent maintaining a charming public image while behaviour in private is very different.

Reverse Victim and Offender

Reversing victim and offender means portraying the person who raises a legitimate concern as the aggressor while the person whose behaviour is being challenged adopts the victim position. This is the final element of DARVO.

Scapegoating

Scapegoating occurs when one person is repeatedly blamed for wider problems within a family, relationship or group. The scapegoat can become responsible for conflicts and failures that have much more complicated causes.

Silent Treatment

The silent treatment involves deliberately withdrawing communication to punish, control or distress another person. This differs from temporarily taking space from an argument in order to calm down or protect one’s wellbeing.

Smear Campaign

A smear campaign is a repeated effort to damage another person’s reputation through accusations, gossip, distortions or selective information. It often appears during separation when controlling the social narrative becomes especially important.

Stonewalling

Stonewalling is refusing to engage meaningfully in communication. A person may ignore questions, walk away, stare silently or repeatedly refuse to discuss significant issues.

Supply

Supply is shorthand for narcissistic supply: the attention, praise, validation or emotional reaction believed to reinforce someone’s sense of importance.

Trauma Bond

Trauma bond is a term commonly used for an intense emotional attachment that develops within a relationship containing cycles of harm and reconciliation. Intermittent reinforcement, fear and periods of affection can make leaving psychologically complicated.

Triangulation

Triangulation occurs when a third person is introduced into a conflict or relationship dynamic. Instead of two people communicating directly, information, jealousy or pressure is channelled through someone else.

Unmasked

“Unmasked” describes the point when a narcissistic person’s carefully maintained public image begins to fall away, revealing behaviours, attitudes or patterns that may previously have been hidden from others.

Victim Mentality

Victim mentality describes a persistent tendency to view oneself as the victim across many situations while minimising one’s own responsibility. Genuine victimisation should not be confused with this concept; people can genuinely experience abuse and deserve support.

Word Salad

Word salad is an informal term sometimes used to describe confusing, circular or contradictory communication that leaves the listener unable to establish what is actually being discussed. The expression has other clinical meanings, so it should be used cautiously in relationship discussions.

Withholding

Withholding involves deliberately refusing affection, information, communication, intimacy, money or cooperation as a way of gaining control or punishing another person.

Zero Accountability

Zero accountability is an informal phrase describing a pattern in which someone appears unwilling to accept responsibility under almost any circumstances. Every mistake is explained, justified, denied or attributed to another person.

Final Thoughts

Many of the terms used online when discussing narcissistic relationships are descriptive expressions rather than clinical diagnoses.

Words such as gaslighting, triangulation, blame shifting, coercive control, manipulation and smear campaign describe behaviours that can be examined individually.

Other expressions such as flying monkey, hoovering, narcissistic supply, discard and grey rock are largely informal terms popularised within discussions about narcissistic and dysfunctional relationships.

The most important thing is not necessarily finding the perfect label.

It is recognising repeated behaviour.

Look at what somebody actually does.

Look at whether boundaries are respected.

Look at whether they accept responsibility.

Look at whether communication resolves problems or continually creates new ones.

And look at whether the relationship allows you to remain yourself without constantly defending, explaining or questioning your own reality.

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